Friday, October 19, 2012

What a week

Latest felting, not sure what it is, though it does have a turtle head

It has been about 5 weeks since the cataract operation. Everything was going so well, and I spent most days without using my glasses, except for reading. I was even able to read piano and organ music without glasses.

And then.....
Tuesday morning, as I woke up my right eye felt a little strange, and a bit sore. When my housekeeper arrived, (She comes once a week for 2 hrs), she asked what was wrong with my eye? It seemed that the eye was quite bloodshot. I hadn't noticed, as I make it a general rule not to look in the mirror first thing in the morning. But when C  pointed out how red my eye was, I went to have a look. The eye didn't look very good at all. It was a bit sore, and as the day wore on it got more painful, to the point that light really made my eye pain, even the computer made it hurt. By 8 o'clock, I'd had enough, and went off to bed, just so it would be dark and I had no reason to open my eye.

Needless to say, I was very concerned. What was going on with the eye that had done so well, up to this point? After calling the doctors office and the cataract office, I finally got to talk to a person instead of a machine, and got an appointment for the next day.

"It is a good thing that you called", said the assistant, after a thorough look at my eye, and the doctor having a second thorough look. I can't recall all the reasons why my eye was so sore and red. Residual inflamation. Some folk cannot stop the drops as fast as others. There were a few other thoughts about what could be causing it, including a small piece of the cataract that hadn't dissolved, but that reason was very slight. Therefore.....back to the drops, starting again four times a day.
If it didn't show improvement then I was to go in this morning to have another check.
Thankfully, it is better today, and I have an appointment with my doctor, and hopefully all will be well. The unfortunate thing, is that it has affected my vision, and I am back to using my glasses, most of the time.

Sadie looks a little grumpy..please take this leash

To top it all off, my other doctor, bless his dear little heart, has decided that my blood pressure is too high, even when I don't appear to be stressed, and so, add a blood pressure pill to the one I take for depression. and the one for fibro..........

I took a few pictures today of the trees, and their colour. They aren't quite as brilliant as they have been in past years, but they are still beautiful

same old same old

Neighbour's house across the road

a very old bean thrasher

I think I should paint a scene on this shed.....
Not this year.....
Apple picking almost over
Bees still buzzing round the clover
Hornets in the basement window
Attracted by the basement light
from a nest under the shingles
where there is a hole
outside and inside
How did that happen?
in they fly.
Soon they'll be gone
when fall is over
and there is no clover,
Heavy frost upon the ground
will bring the end of basement flights
I can only hope.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Living with through despite having fibromyalgia.

It is always with you, even when you are feeling fairly good. It never quite totally disappears.

 It reminds you, often, that it is there, just under the surface, waiting to reach out and grab you.

I thought it was a fibro flare, but now it is getting to be a full blown fire.

It is that time, and I have been grabbed and shaken and left to battle my way through the effects, and try to keep up with the things I want and need to do

I am tired all the time. It is not a good kind of tired, like one might feel after a hard day's work, or after running a race, but rather a nagging fatigue that causes me to drag myself from one thing to another. There is no resting up, or getting a good night's sleep to rectify this.

To others I look a little tired, but that's all. There is no cast, or bandage or any other tell tale sign that something is wrong. I may walk slower, or limp a bit, depending on my legs, but it isn't that noticeable, except to my girls. There are the muscle aches and pains, the tender spots, which if touched hurt so much, the headache which is almost always present, the itchiness that has no visible cause. My brain does not talk well to my muscles and nerve endings.

Fibromyalgia is a complicated condition. It is a rheumatic disorder, and there is no cure. FM sufferers are all different in the way the syndrome manifests itself. The cause of fibro is not really known, nor the reasons for a flare.

So why am I writing about this today? Perhaps because it is hanging heavy on my shoulders right now.

It is Thanksgiving time, and I am thinking of the things I am thankful for.
I was listening to a radio program on the CBC this morning, and there was a replay of a documentary on Raylene Rankin. For those who don't know, she was a founding member of the Cape Breton group, The Rankins. She sang so beautifully, especially a song called Rise Again. On the program, she spoke about coming to terms with having cancer, and having it return, and seeking out what was important in her life. She succumbed to the cancer and passed away last week.
One of the things she said jumped right out at me. "accept the road taken", and how she had learned to do that.

Four words, and the wisdom that is found in them.

I suppose that everyone of us has struggles and difficulties in life as we go along the road taken. But, once on that road, there is no turning around and trying to start again. Perhaps we might wish that we had taken a different road in the beginning, but then all the wonderful things that have happened to you, would have been missed. The road is long and winding, going up hill and into valleys, and full of potholes and detours, and ruts, but there is smooth pavement too. The potholes help you appreciate the smooth pavement.

I guess what I am trying to say through all this, is that I need to accept my limitations, when fibro raises it's ugly head, and keep on trucking down the road that I've taken. There's new views ahead, whether it be valley or mountain, and I am thankful.